Infidelity & Sex Addiction—Affairs of Heart, Body, and Mind
“Affairs have a lot to teach us about relationships — what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to.”
Defining Infidelity
The definition of infidelity keeps expanding, but at its core, infidelity is the act of being unfaithful to your partner.
According to relationship experts like Robin Kay and Terrence Real, infidelity requires two things: a betrayal and deceit.
Infidelity usually includes at least one of these elements:
Secrecy
Sexual Involvement with a non-primary partner (physical or virtual)
Emotional Involvement with a non-primary partner
The meaning of infidelity is not fixed. Therefore, couples must create their own definitions of infidelity and their own relationship terms. Not all acts of infidelity are equal. Our experiences of fidelity and infidelity are personal and value-laden.
“We don’t know how to talk about it.”
Percentage of People Who Admit To Having Affairs
Emotional Affairs
Oftentimes, before emotional affairs begin, couples have already become emotionally estranged from one another by getting too wrapped up in other activities like personal hobbies, careers, child rearing, social media obsessions, or mentla health declines. Relationships, like children, require attention, affection, and nurturance on a daily basis to blossom and thrive. Assess and discuss the quality of the connection in your relationship often. Doing so can help you identify areas of improvement and signs of danger.
Emotional affairs describe a bond between two people, outside of a marital or monogamous relationship, that imitates the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship. Generally, the term emotional affair is used when the betrayal does not involve physical contact, but rather an intense emotional or flirtatious closeness that should only be shared with one’s romantic partner.
It is important to establish an understanding with your partner about what constitutes infidelity for each of you, and how you both feel about the possibility of infidelity occuring. Your relationship will be stronger if you take the time to openly discuss your thoughts, feelings, and previous experiences with infidelity.
Coming Back from Infidelity
Restoring trust in a relationship after a fidelity breach is difficult at best, and sometimes impossible, without help from a talented psychologist or other relationship expert. In emotionally intense situations like these, it is useful to have an objective and trained third party to help you make sense of what occurred and why, and to guide you back to relationship harmony. It not only helps to seek out a psychologist who can provide guidance about forging relationship repair; sometimes infidelity is the clue that the relationship was already in trouble. In that case, infidelity becomes a symptom of an even more serious problem (i.e., a fractured relationship). In that case, we don’t want to return the relationship to its previous state, but instead improve the quality and strength of the relationship so infidelity and other breaches of trust are less likely to recur. Don’t give in to shame and avoid getting the help you need to promote positive change in your relationship. As soon as you notice your relationship is unstable or in disharmony, get some help from a qualified, experienced professional.
“AT TIMES WE DEFINE INFIDELITY; AT OTHER TIMES IT DEFINES US.”
“After a relationship rupture, it is possible to build a stronger bond, with each partner having a deeper understanding of the other’s needs.”
Dr. Robin L. Kay